Power to Me

Through an encounter at my job, I received a serious threat (my perception) that could have altered my life considerably. At first, I approached the situation as my employer would set protocols in place to protect me. But as the days went by I realized the protection that I thought should be there was not coming. The question that came to my mind was, What made me think that they would protect me? I looked at all that had transpired and began answering my own question. “My protection” was only important to me. I was only a number logged in each day for them. As long as I came in each day, at the designated times and performed, I met their need. But that left the “threat” still out there and my need of safety unmet. As I thought about this I realized that when I left my protection up to someone else, I did not get to choose what the protection was or how it was provided. I shifted my power to them. I saw that they were not protecting me, at least not in a way that I thought they should. So I took what was mine, POWER TO ME.

I began investigating how viable the threat was. I asked an expert about the ways I could protect myself, if it became one on one. With the information I gathered, I put together “my protection” plan. I let people close to me know about the threat. Then, I made a report of awareness to my local police department. The last piece of the plan, and most crucial, I began living in awareness and not fear. I felt a strong shift inside me, as I enacted each piece of this plan. I knew, as the last piece began functioning I had my power. The threat was still there, but I was confident in the situation, because the power was mine. I would protect me!

As I thought about this situation, I began thinking about all of the scary experiences in my past. My mind took me, one by one, to each experience and I relived all of them. I tried to analyze each one, in hope of shifting the outcome. It didn’t work. I felt so powerless and overwhelmed. Each memory,  I would hear my counselor’s words, “What made you think that anyone was going to come and save you?” These were some of the hardest and most painful words I have heard, but they were so powerful. They have caused me to look at my experiences and evaluate whether, I was not acting  because of fear or someone stopped my action.  I saw where the power was in each situation. I am aware that I didn’t have the knowledge that I have now, back then. But, if I could have applied the process I used with the “threat”, I may have felt not as powerless.

In all of our experiences in life, we need to be kind to ourselves and realize that based on the time period, our level of understanding, and the situation, we did what we knew how. I know for me “could haves” and “would haves” are my biggest stumbling blocks. I need to remember that I can’t use today’s knowledge to change yesterday’s memories. I can only improve today for a better tomorrow. I can do this by applying the same process. First, breakdown the situation into facts, and not emotion. Educate myself on each of those facts. Formulate a plan based on the findings. Put my plan into place, and live in awareness and not fear. Remember, no one else is to be given the power to execute the plan. THE POWER ALWAYS STAYS WITH ME!