How many times have you heard someone say, “Jimmy or Susie made me do it!” I used to think that same way; that someone’s influence could “make” me do something. The truth is that no one can make you do anything. Each of us have areas in our lives where our boundaries are stronger than others. If a person comes along and pushes on our area that we have not held strong, they can push us in to taking on their belief or their identity of what is right. In doing this, we have allowed ourselves, by our choice of inaction, to let go of our definition and be something we truly are not. We have betrayed our true self. The worst guilt to live with, is the betrayal of your true self. This effect can go both ways. If you add pressure to someone, that has said that they don’t want to do a certain thing, and get them to do it anyway, you have now pulled them to conform to your ideals. Compelling them to betray their true self and take on an identity not their own. They now have to receive the consequence, good or bad, for your behavior.
In life we set our boundaries according to our comfort/knowledge level within our experiences. Asking someone to go beyond that level can set them up for failure, because they may not have the knowledge to withstand the consequence that is to come. We progress, as we stretch within our defined boundaries. To effect this kind of progress, we need to be able to acknowledge our actions and be willing to alter our behavior in the future. Blaming another person just shifts our responsibility to someone else and we cease progression in that area. This would be like a golfer being compelled to be a diver. Would they be ready for the impact without 1 swimming lesson? You can never be seen as a failure when you are willing to own it and improve.
Each of us have a life story. In that story each person that we have come in contact with, has had an impact on us, good or bad. No matter how significant that impact is we can choose to lay that aside and chart a different course. Take that 1st “swimming lesson” and become what YOU define yourself to be. Own it, to achieve it!