Struggling through different times of our lives is common for every one. How we make it through them is a different story all together. Having a degree in Criminal Law, a “trial” has brought about a different meaning for me. A “trial”, has one of two outcomes, guilty or not guilty. To say “that I am experiencing a trial” means to me that Heavenly Father is waiting to pronounce a verdict on me at the end. I don’t feel that this would ever be the case with Him.
So I have come to see my times of struggle as a “challenge”. I look at it as Heavenly Father wanting to see if I will rise to the occasion to learn more. To me, He is saying, “will you meet me here”, and He explains where He would like me to be after the challenge. I can accept or deny his request. Either way, He seeks not to make a judgement against me, but an offering of love.
I believe that He asks us to use the knowledge that we have so far and add upon it as we move through the challenge. The satisfaction at the end is ours. We make the choice.
Through the challenges that I have experienced in life, I have felt extremely alone. At different times I made the choices to disconnect from the toxic relationships in my life, my family and spouse. This left me with a very limited support system, none of it family.
Raising my children in a healthy way, seemed like an impossible task. I did not want them to be raised the way that I was, but that is all that I knew. I also did not want them to be tainted by the hate that my ex-husband left us with. It seemed at the time, that the Lord was asking me to do the inconceivable. He wanted my children to have a loving and spiritually thriving home, but I felt very unequal to the task. I had no one, that I knew, that could show me how to accomplish this. So I went to the very person that asked me to accomplish it. I prayed the most humble prayer and asked the Lord to teach me how He would like His children to be raised. He did just that.
I have learned to use the knowledge that I had, that of prayer, in order to grow and meet the Lord at the place He asked me to come. It was not easy at all. Many nights I cried, because of the loneliness, fear, heartache, and exhaustion. I am better because of that challenge. I am grateful that there was no verdict made at the end of it. My children now have a future of hope, happiness, and health.
I hope that when “challenges” do come, that we will look at it as an offering of love. We have every ability inside us and we just need to make the choice to build on what we have. If we do this we will be able to receive the satisfaction that we are not as we once were, we are so much more. That is the whole purpose of this life, to become our best self. I hope as you are on your journey in life that you will not forget to love yourself, with all of your imperfections, and know that you are not alone.