As a young girl, the story of Cinderella was magical for me. I felt that it fit my life in a way. I was trapped in a life of servitude, with a mother who hated me. It did not matter what I did, I could not be good enough. I dreamt that some day I would find someone who would love and rescue me.
When I met my husband (ex) at the age of 19, I had given up hope on my magical fairytale. From the moment I saw him, he began saying the most flattering words. For example, “Who stole the stars out of the sky, and put them in your eyes?” At first, I thought who would be so crazy to believe anything he was saying? But then, he began to say, “Your family shouldn’t have ever treated you like that. If you were my wife, I would never allow them to treat you like that.” Those words hit my dream of a fairy tale. Even though he was not my type, and we didn’t have anything in common, I hung on his promise of taking me away from all the evil in my home life. Little did I know that he would add to it.
The abuse with him started a week after I knew him. It was emotional and verbal at first. Then he began controlling my time and who I had contact with. He would isolate me from anyone that I knew. Before we were married I had been injured from him grabbing me and throwing me, twice. He was always sorry, and had a gift to make it all better.
I became pregnant a month after we were married. I felt that I needed to make an effort to make it work, because my life wouldn’t be better going back home. I began looking for his potential. This is where I created one of my biggest mistakes. I fell in love with his potential. I began to overlook his treatment of me, and later the kids, because he had such great potential. I couldn’t leave him because he might see his potential and change; I couldn’t miss out on that.
Sadly, I saw the abuse changing my children. Every day I saw the damage affect them more and more. I had to make the choice to let go of what I believed could and should happen, and take action because of what is happening. Living and loving because of someone’s potential is almost always fatal.
It took me 2 times of separating from him, in order to understand that the choice had to be his to change. My behavior, looks, and love had zero impact. My children’s insatiable love had zero impact. The light in my children’s eyes was completely gone, when I separated for the last time. I left because of that. I was so dead inside, that I didn’t recognize his evil quicker. I only acted once my children began to resemble me, on the inside. This is a very hard thing for me to forgive myself for.
Fairytales are exactly that, “FAIRYTALES “. Prince Charming only saves Cinderella. A persons actions are their true self. It represents where they are in life. The words that you speak will not convince them to change. True change comes from personal searching and acknowledgement of where you are. Never fall in love with a persons potential, because you will never fall asleep next to their potential.
Life is to be lived by making choices from what IS HAPPENING! Even with your own self, you won’t make changes unless you acknowledge what you are really doing. Living in truth is the only Happily Ever After you will need.