I am a single mother of two amazing children. My son is 23 and my daughter is 21.
I decided to create this website with two purposes in mind. One, something to hold me accountable too, so that I will choose to live and not let my abusive past defeat me. Second, to share what I have learned with others who may be struggling to find strength in their lives to live.
I grew up in a home that was extremely dysfunctional, abusive, and volatile. My 4 siblings and I were isolated from those that lived around us, as well as our extended family. We were to do as we were told with no questions asked. This environment lead me to not be able to identify who I was, what I felt, how to socialize, or interact with others; not of my immediate family. I always felt like there was some big secret always following me wherever I was and I could not allow it to be discovered. I quickly learned to wear whatever identity would bring the least attention and reaction to me, or what I was doing. I learned to disconnect any connection with emotion; so I would not have any reaction to my situation or those individuals in my life. Years of hiding, denying, and stuffing all of me into the darkness inside, left me as a disconnected robot.
I married when I was 20 years old. My spouse was of the same cloth as my parents, highly abusive and brutal. He was not afraid of breaking my body, as well as my spirit in his attempts to gain control over me. I cannot remember how many times he brought me to the edge of life and almost tasting the bitter-sweetness of death. I learned not to fear death because I came so close to it many times. Even when I found out that I had thyroid cancer at the age of 24, I had no emotion or fear. My actions were very mechanical and methodical. I finally separated for the last time, after being married for 5 years. Less than a year after separating I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer for the 2nd time. 2 1/2 years after I separated my divorce was final. I felt completely dead inside and extremely confused. I began raising my children on my own and I have continued to do so for the past 19 years.
I have had many challenges, which I will share at times during my blog, and I have come to realize that there must be some reason for all of this and I needed to find it. Over the years I have thought about it often, and didn’t feel like I was any closer to an answer than I was the year before. In 2012, I suddenly began to have severe migraines. They increased in frequency and strength each year, until finally in February of 2016 they became constant. At the same time my heart became inflamed and very painful. As I have dealt with this tough medical situation, I have thought hard about what I was supposed to take away from this experience. The resounding answer is that my experiences are not for me to hold for myself. I am to use them to help others as they journey through life. To bring knowledge and support to assist them. Hence, the reason for beginning this website.
I hope as you read through the areas of my website you will take away a strength to seek hope, happiness, and health. I would ask that you be kind in all the actions that you take on this website, because you don’t know where someone else is in their journey. Please know that I am on a journey to shed the effects of the 1st part of my life so that I can have a full and happy 2nd half of my life; living by choice. I look forward to sharing my knowledge with you and trying to be a support as needed. Feel free to contact me at Cherie@Livingbychoice.org.