Having anxiety, panic attacks, and depression in this society is not accepted and rarely spoken of. This needs to change. Over the last 8 months there have been 4 people, I personally know, that have taken their own life because of emotional illness. Some may know, but others may not, that I have attempted suicide 3 times. I can tell you that suicide is not a choice anyone consciously makes. There is a time, within your situation, that your mind reflects an absence of all choice. It is not planned or coordinated. Thoughts of what you are leaving behind do not surface. Only the action to stop the pain is present.
I know for me, all 3 times I had shut myself down because I felt that no one would understand the hardships that I was going through. My issues seemed extremely painful. I felt if I shared my thoughts with anyone I would overwhelm them and cause them pain. So I closed myself off, to protect those around me.
What I didn’t realize is, that I was creating a self destruct capsule inside me. I created my isolation from those around me and the pain I was experiencing. I was under the false belief that I would harm the person I shared my situation with. My silence was to protect, but in fact it was going to kill me.
I can’t tell you why my attempts to end my life weren’t successful and the other 4 people I know were. All I can say is that we as a society need to begin speaking about the hard things and quit accepting the false picturesque lives of so many around us. The time is now to get REAL.
I know what I am asking is not easy to do, but silence is deadly. For me, I am going to do everything I can to speak about my experiences, so that people will not feel alone. I want them to know that someone has made it through hard things and has chosen to live each day by choice. It literally is, choosing to live by choice.
The month of March is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Begin by being aware of the issues around you in your family, neighborhoods, and community. Be willing to comfort those whose heads hang down. Make sure to look passed the smile on someone’s face and look at their eyes for the truth they are hiding.
We all have times in our lives when we will become extremely sad and feel beside ourselves. During these times it is extremely important to reach out to someone and share our thoughts, so that it does not create heartache later on. If you can’t reach out to someone, reach up to God or your higher power, and asked for someone to assist you during this time.
My love goes out to those who chose to end their lives and to their families. This journey of life is not easy on anyone. The key is to speak and share your story. Let others grow through and because of you.